MAGGIE – Part 2

Maggie’s death has changed me…is changing me.

My true friends know that, by nature, I’m a very quiet person…a thinker…a people watcher. I’m so much like my father, and I’m proud of that.

I have pageants to thank for allowing my inside voice – out. At first my mom told me I was a little too blunt. (a lot actually…) But my dad got it! Later, I learned the art of telling what needs to be said and letting others figure things out for themselves. Probably why I like teaching. I see potential when someone else does not…

Right now, I’m finding comfort in my…true nature.

I was forced to watch myself fall apart and that wasn’t…isn’t fun. Those brief moments of sadness…I don’t want to go away. I want to keep her real…because she was…and is real.

I was also forced to see the man I love so desperately want to heal me…and it hurt that I hurt in a way he…no one could help. It’s paralyzing. I still hurt.

When I was in Texarkana, my sister and I tried to get out and do something that Maggie would have loved – like go to Old Navy. When a sales clerk came to over tell us about sales, I wanted scream at her: “My niece is dead, did you know that? How is YOUR day going? Because mine SUCKS!”

I was comforted by the fact that my sister felt the same way.

I still feel that way when I listen to someone telling me about something petty. But I smile, knowing that at some time in my life, I was that person…saying something petty.

Sometimes I feel like she goes with me through out the day. Her smile…especially her smile. How she doesn’t want me to be sad…and I want to make her happy.

It’s the evening of December 6th. I put a different photo up on my Facebook profile and cover page. Something other than Maggie or me and Maggie.

I cried…am crying…

I didn’t realize how hard that would be…


Lone Pine!!

What WAS that funky chord you played at the beginning of church today? I was so odd that I made Vicki listen to it!!! It was when in the sing “The joy of the Lord.” I'll do it for ya:

Oh the joy of the Lord is my strength,
The joy of the Lord is my strength,
Oh the joy of the Lord is my strength,
Oh the joy of the Lord is my strength.

The underlined part!! Hmmm….TELL ME!!